Cable Should Be Suspended, Davis Should Simply Vanish

Oh, if only Tom Cable was cool. He'd own a nickname that would stick: The Cable Guy. He has this rough, gruff, boom-and-oomph way about him, like John Madden when he was coaching the Raiders. He's a man's man and a grunt's grunt and a football player's coach, from the gut to the facial hair to the burly look. Damn right he could hang with the rowdies in the Black Hole, terrorizing the enemy with all those Darth Vaders and skull-and-crossbones creeps.

But earlier this month, according to too many sources to discount, Cable either hit and broke the jaw of one of his Oakland assistant coaches, Randy Hanson, or pushed a chair that caused Hanson to fall and hit his jaw. Either way, it wasn't cool. In fact, it was disturbingly volcanic behavior from a man who's supposed to be the most poised guy in the building, not the one losing his equilibrium simply because Hanson and the defensive coordinator, John Marshall, reportedly were having a disagreement.

The obvious conclusion is that Cable isn't head-coaching material as much as a raging loose cannon, a misplaced line coach who can't maximize a roster that actually has impressive, if raw, talent at the skill positions -- JaMarcus Russell, Darren McFadden -- and a capable defense with good linebackers and secondary personnel, including the compelling Nnamdi Asomugha, the NFL's best lockdown cover cornerback.

Not that I'd expect anything more from the creature forever embalmed in a Members Only jacket, Al Davis. The last head coach he employed, Lane Kiffin, was his personal whipping boy in a running soap opera that exploded into an early-season dismissal, legal action over supposed insubordination and accusations that Kiffin was a liar. Davis replaced him with Cable, who somehow kept his job permanently after late-season progress, then turned into a crazed Brock Lesnar-type in a meeting room.

Still, if you expect Davis to dismiss or even scold Cable, you don't grasp the owner's traditionally twisted priorities. He doesn't care that the Raiders have a chance to improve and excite their fans for the first time in eons. No, he senses another chance to battle the NFL, wars that always have floated Al's boat the more than football games, dating back to his legendary courtroom battles over relocation.

If Davis actually cared about winning, he'd have nipped this mess in the bud weeks ago. Instead, we've yet to hear from Hanson, who hasn't been seen in the team's Napa Valley training camp since the Aug. 6 episode and is believed to have been fired. When the fight story broke Monday on FanHouse, Davis climbed into his familiar bunker and orchestrated a farce of a press conference starring -- gulp -- The Cable Guy.

"Nothing happened," he said when asked about the episode.

Obviously, that was a lie. A police report was filed. And there are plenty of indications Hanson received treatment at Queen of the Valley Hospital. So how can Cable stand there and say "nothing happened,'' as if we're stupid?

"Listen, if you want to talk about this football team and the players on this team, I'll talk to you all day,'' Cable said. "Otherwise, I'm not getting into it."

"You understand we have to ask those questions?" asked one of the poor reporters forced to cover this god-awful franchise.

Said Cable: "I respect that. But you have to respect the fact I want to talk about my team.''

Is Hanson still employed? "I'm not gonna answer that,'' Cable said.

Somewhere, Davis was cackling. But this is no laughing matter. The NFL immediately launched an investigation, thankfully, and I can not wait to see commissioner Roger Goodell engage Davis in their first-ever tussle. Goodell is the crown price of sports leaders these days, the man whose personal-conduct policy has cleansed a league of thuggery.

And if Cable indeed beat up Hanson, that would be considered an assault or battery issue -- a violation of the policy. A head coach shouldn't be immune from the same punishment received by a problematic player.
The precedent here is Carolina's star receiver, Steve Smith, who slugged teammate Ken Lucas last year in training camp and was suspended two games by the Panthers. We know the Raiders won't be taking action, preferring to participate in a cover-up.

So, it's Goodell's job to bust open the cover-up and remind Davis who's the ultimate boss. A two-game suspension is about right for Cable. And if Al wants to take his usual tack and run to his lawyer, so be it.

It's time the league does something about the toxic wasteland on the other side of the bay. Once, the Raiders truly stood by their slogan, "Commitment to Excellence,'' but I think I was in grade school when the expiration date arrived. Oh, they've had their moments, such as a Super Bowl appearance six years ago that I'm not sure really happened. But generally, Davis and his team have been a carcass defined by controversy and drama. As running back Justin Fargas said of the Cable-Hanson incident, "It's just another day around here. Things wouldn't be normal if there wasn't some controversy.''

Remember when Bill Romanowski, steroid freak, slugged teammate Marcus Williams and broke his jaw?

Remember when Randy Moss quit running plays and Jerry Porter was benched for insubordination? Remember when coach Art Shell called out the team's personnel executive, Mike Lombardi, and didn't allow him on the practice field during a 2-14 season in 2006? Remember when Bill Callahan, a year after reaching the Super Bowl, said he was coaching "the dumbest team in America'' and eventually was canned himself?

Now, we have a steel-cage match inside the coaching quarters.

"That's for you guys to talk about. I have no idea what happened, if anything happened. I could really care less," said left guard Robert Gallery, a former high No. 1 pick who has underachieved. "I worry about winning games. Until you know or the truth comes out, rumors can get spread real fast. You could start one now and it could change tomorrow."

A two-game suspension is about right for Cable. And if Al wants to take his usual tack and run to his lawyer, so be it. Probably because the new one would be true. Unlike most sectors of life, where you don't believe gossip, you always believe it in Oakland.

At least the players are trying to have a sense of humor. When they were stretching before practice the other day, some chanted "Cable Bumaye!'' That's what fight fans in Zaire chanted when Muhammad Ali rattled George Foreman's grill in 1974. Translated, that would mean, "Cable kill him!''

I don't want anyone killing anybody. I want to see the Raiders do right by their fans, cooperate with the league's investigation and try to have a decent season for a change. Last Thursday, Russell looked poised throwing the ball and showed signs of becoming a serviceable NFL quarterback, the least he can do for his $31 million in guarantees.

McFadden, healthy now, ripped off a long touchdown run. OK, so Davis' latest dumb draft pick, receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey, can't catch the ball. There's talent here. And if Russell bombs, Jeff Garcia is around to win some games.

Point is, we should be talking football. Instead, we're talking lunacy, instability, the same-old same-old in the Land of Al.

Goodell needs to suspend Cable. Then he must ask Davis to go away.

And he needn't be polite.