Milton Bradley Reduces Cubdom From Sad to Wacko

CHICAGO -- We've long moved past the sympathy-for-the-lovable-losers stage. Now, the Cubs must be treated like any other patient with an acute mental illness: send them to the funny farm, load them up on Prozac, lock them in a rubberized room and hope they don't kill each other. It was only a matter of time, I suppose, before this forlorn franchise collapsed from the burden of a 101-year drought without a World Series title.

Still, who knew the Cubbies would crack up and go utterly mad?

It was almost better when they'd lose 97 games and fans were in it just for the beer, the seventh-inning singer and the post-game mating rituals. What happened this past weekend just might be rock bottom in the bottom-feeding, increasingly dismal existence that is Cubdom. Not even in the most psychotic of sporting soap operas -- Yankees, Cowboys, Lakers -- do you see a three-day rage in which: (a) serial knucklehead Milton Bradley attacks a water jug in the dugout and is ordered to go home by his angry manager, Lou Piniella; (b) Piniella follows him down the clubhouse tunnel, where he rips Bradley as "a piece of (bleep);'' (c) the Cubs accuse visiting clubhouse workers at U.S. Cellular Field, home of the crosstown rival White Sox, of leaking the "piece of (bleep)'' quote to a reporter, prompting outrage from the equally loony Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen; (d) catcher Geovany Soto, your reigning National League Rookie of the Year, is busted for a positive marjiuana test during the World Baseball Classic, which might explain his sluggish season and desire for munchies; (e) Piniella volunteers that he "smoked dope'' once (though, honestly, who in this world smokes dope only once?); (f) Piniella and Bradley have a hug-it-out session in which both admit to crying; (g) the Cubs lose two of three, extending their woe to six losses in seven games and dropping them to 35-37 in the NL Central; and (h) watch a player who never should have been traded away, Mark DeRosa, get snapped up by top divisional rival St Louis.

Anything else? Oh, Guillen took a shot at the intelligence of Cubs fans. Asked about Piniella's remark that the mediocre Sox haven't been drawing well this season, he said, "Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans. They know we're (expletive)."

Yet even the Wrigley Field diehards are showing signs of fatigue and hopelessness, which makes this decade the worst time ever to be a Cub fan, particularly the last 2 1/2 seasons. In 2008 and 2007, remember, this team teased and tormented its fans like never before, looking like a worthy championship contender from April to September only to crash in three-game playoff sweeps -- 72-hour swoons -- in October. Sure, 1969 always will hurt . But that constitutes ancient history for a new generation of Cubbie sufferers, who have experienced Steve Bartman, the steroid unmasking of Sammy Sosa, two postseason sweeps and, now, the Bradley disaster in a six-year period. Nor has it been pretty watching the Tribune Co. having trouble selling the team, waiting impatiently as the Ricketts family tries to recruit enough moneyed investors to pay the $900 million price. It's easier this season to find tickets, not only because of the economic crisis but because Cubdom is burned out. The fans don't belt out "Go Cubs Go!'' with quite the same zeal. Even Ronnie (Woo Woo) Wickers, the superfan/mascot who is seen in his Cubs uniform at all hours of the day and night in Wrigleyville, isn't his chirpy, annoying self.

It's no wonder that Piniella -- who is 65, though he said he was 66 and feels like he's 68 -- is looking like a frustrated graybeard in his final months on the job. He was supposed to be the savior, but like Dusty Baker and decades of managerial predecessors, he realizes the task is impossible. The team payroll never has been higher at $135 million, behind only the two New York teams, but general manager Jim Hendry poisoned the team chemistry by acquiring problem child Bradley and sacrificing the popular and valuable DeRosa. Hendry had a brutal offseason -- notably, the acquisition of Bradley and closer Kevin Gregg -- and Piniella is paying the price. Lately, fans and media have been critical of his lack of fire, knowing how the Cubs turned a slumbering season into a division title after his legendary tantrum in June 2007. When asked if he'll return next season, Lou was non-committal.

"I'm signed through next year, and that's it," he said. "I'm signed."

Doesn't sound thrilled about it, does he? Sounds like a man who would love to be involved in a manager-for-manager trade: He goes to the Yankees, Joe Girardi comes to the Cubs. If Piniella hadn't taken the job before the '07 season, Girardi would have been the Cubs manager. "I am (signed)," Piniella repeated. "The club picked up my option at the end of last season, and I'm signed through next year.'' OK, we get it.

Unfortunately, so is Bradley, who has added to his long history of emotional outbursts and is doomed for an ugly incident with the frustrated Wrigley fans. Normally a level-headed GM who places a premium on good character, Hendry lost his mind in acquiring Bradley -- who has played for seven teams in nine years -- at DeRosa's expense. Did he not remember the hideous scene in Los Angeles where Bradley, as a member of the Dodgers, whipped a water bottle at the feet of a fan after the bottle had been thrown on the field? Did he not remember Bradley criticizing Jeff Kent, saying he had problems getting along with black teammates? Did he not remember a wild dugout argument with manager Eric Wedge in Cleveland? Did he not remember the day in 2007 when Bradley charged umpire Mike Winters, then tore his anterior cruciate ligament in his right knee when his manager in San Diego, Bud Black, was trying to corral him? This was not $30 million well spent.

This was stupidity, pure and simple, only exacerbated Sunday when Cleveland traded DeRosa to the Cardinals. Remember the Lou Brock-for-Ernie Broglio trade with St. Louis that has haunted the Cubs forever? This has a smidgen of that, with Bradley now hitting .232 -- .216 with runners in scoring position -- to go with five home runs and 16 RBI.

"I just told him to take his uniform off and go home,'' Piniella said. "And I followed him up into the clubhouse and we exchanged some words. I don't like those things to happen. This job is tough enough without having to have confrontations. But I'm just tired of watching all that.

"I think this young man has put a lot of pressure on himself. I think he needs to relax and let his ability flow. He's trying too hard and he's fighting it and that just compounds the problem over and over. I had enough, what can I say?"

He apologized to Bradley for the "piece of (bleep)'' comment, which was unnecessary and threatens to turn Bradley into a piece of mush the rest of the season. But Piniella has seen too many Cubs flip out -- such as Carlos Zambrano's comical tantrum that led to a six-game suspension -- and is tired of the temper eruptions. That, of course, is hypocritical given his volatile history, but Piniella has been quiet all season until his Bradley blowup. He is being torched for having double standards, such as supporting Zambrano while lambasting Bradley.


But all he's sorry for is one comment. "It's just wasted energy," Piniella said. "I told him that we just can't continue to have the shenanigans that we've put up with it. I told him he's going to hurt somebody. He's going to hurt himself.''

Isn't he picking on Bradley when Zambrano, Ryan Dempster, Ted Lilly and Carlos Marmol have lost their lids this season? And isn't Bradley the wrong guy to pick on? "Like I've said, I don't have the same set of rules as other people," Piniella said. "I've committed mistakes in my past to where you don't get the leeway other guys might get. This has been a common occurrence. I've looked the other way a lot and I'm done with it. I'm not happy that this happened. But at the same time, it was time."

The thing about Bradley is, he's not a bad human being. He's well-spoken and seems to have good intentions, but he definitely was on vacation when they distributed poise and restraint at the gene pool. When Piniella called him "a piece of (bleep),'' Bradley could have hauled off on the old man the way Rob Dibble did once upon a time. Somehow, he kept his cool. "I have too much respect for you to respond to that,'' Bradley told him.

He added, referring to the Winters clash: "The last time someone called me a piece of (bleep), I tore my ACL. So, I mean, I've learned how to deal with that. I'm fine. You know, it's Lou Piniella. To me, Lou Piniella is somebody. If it's a motivating tactic and he's taking a different switch since people are saying he didn't have fire, then I understand. I take a lot of heed in what he has to say. It matters. I take it to heart and I'm better for it.

"I don't have a problem with Lou at all. It's hard for me to get upset with a teammate. And he's the manager, so he's more than a teammate. Initially, I was kind of shocked at how everything just kind of happened suddenly."

Bradley admits to feeling isolated in the Cubs clubhouse, which might explain why teammate Derrek Lee made sure to call him Friday night after the incident. "I just know that it sucks when you had a guy here in DeRosa that you know the guys loved, the media, I guess, liked him as well, and the fans liked him,'' Bradley said. "And he was good and productive and still is. And you come in and essentially replace him and you're sucking it up. It's not a good feeling.''

He also feels the pressure of Cubdom at his back, in the right-field bleachers, game after game. "It's something else,'' he said. "I played in L.A., and I thought L.A. was over the top, but this is a whole different level. It's fanatic fans. It's constant cameras and things. It's a lot more than you expect. But this is what I signed up for, so I can accept that.''

So why did Hendry make a deal with the devil? And how much residual detrimental effect will the Bradley trade have? Will it lead to Piniella's departure? Will it restrict the Cubs from spending big in their first offseason with a new owner? Are they headed toward another woeful period in an improving division?

"There's risks in all free-agent signings,'' Hendry told reporters over the weekend. "Hopefully, this one will (work out) in the long run. Certainly when you're hitting .220, you wouldn't say it's going as planned so far. I'm sure the frustration level is at its wit's end for him. And obviously, that doesn't condone certain actions that you don't want a player doing.

"But we're still in a pretty good spot to make a run at things in the second half, and we certainly could use the Milton Bradley bat that we signed up for. Maybe you look back at a day like (Friday), and some good can come out of it, too.''

Please.

Even the diehards don't want to hear it. Nothing positive can come of the Milton Bradley project.

It has turned the most fun address in baseball into a toxic wasteland.