Suns Cast Gloom Over Their Own Party

PHOENIX -- I have this funny little device called The Jordan Tax. Anybody who comes in contact with Michael Jordan and benefits disproportionately from him, in context with the rest of that person's career or life, should be taxed accordingly and pay up. It could be an owner, a general manager, a teammate, a media person, a public address announcer, a gambler, an ex-wife, Ahmad Rashad, anyone.

In my mind, Steve Kerr owes the highest amount of Jordan tax, though you may debate Juanita Jordan and her $168-million divorce settlement if you wish. Fueled by his association with MJ, Kerr ascended from journeyman benchwarmer to Bulls spot-up jumpshooter to NBA Finals hero to quotable media darling to incisive TNT analyst to, finally, the general managership of the Phoenix Suns, a franchise that he and owner Robert Sarver have ravaged like few others. Monday, they are expected to fire coach Terry Porter, whose ill-advised hiring came last June after the Suns parted ways with Mike D'Antoni, who only had averaged 58 wins over four seasons with basketball's most entertaining team of this and most other decades.

Oh, and against the festive backdrop of Sunday night's All-Star Game in the Valley of the Sun, management also remains shockingly open to trading Amar'e Stoudemire, perhaps to Kerr's former team in Chicago. It isn't often when a franchise allows a long-awaited house party to be interrupted by dysfunction among family members, but somehow, the Suns threw a damper on their own bash as thousands of visitors went, "Huh?" An All-Star starter with six or seven productive years left as an offensive force, Stoudemire would seem less dispensable than Camelback Mountain. That's until you realize this is the same organization that let Joe Johnson get away, traded Shawn Marion in his prime, woefully tried to plug Shaquille O'Neal into the fun-and-gun spectacle last season and then thought slowing down the tempo under Porter somehow would help Steve Nash, an electric two-time MVP reduced to an ordinary, dispirited point guard in the new system.

Talk about stepping on the buzz of something extraordinary and turning it into something bland and irrational. This is what happens when Sarver, a banker, decides he cares more about economic maneuvering than winning a championship while hiring his close friend, Kerr, to hatch a plan that makes zero sense. And if the economy is socking his business, maybe Sarver should sell the team. His strategy baffles some and angers others, keeping in mind Sarver once leaped off a trampoline and dunked during a timeout -- just like the famed Gorilla mascot -- and flapped his arms chicken-like with other courtside fans because injured opposing players weren't in uniform. The other day, during a league-sponsored fan event, he even took on a fan who yelled at him.

"Don't trade Amar'e!" said the fan.

"I was going to trade him for you," Sarver shot back.

"I'm a Suns fan. Don't trade Amar'e!"

Great public relations, huh?

"Here's the franchise that I gave birth. I gave my blood, sweat and soul to the franchise. Yes, I'm affected by it," said Suns patriarch and U.S. Olympic team savior Jerry Colangelo, who watches helplessly as Sarver and Kerr mar his creation. "Even though I'm not involved today, it's part of me. And so I am affected by things that are being said or things that are being done - good, bad or indifferent."

Ludacris, the rapper, was in the stands. But this is more ludicrous.

"It's very unprofessional to talk about it during this event," said O'Neal, who pleaded all weekend for management to have patience with Porter, only to be ignored.

I'm glad the league invited Shaq, complete with mask, to do some sort of performance-art, wham-slam thing with the Jabbawockeez dance group during introductions. For a while, it brought back his big smile and spawned a new nickname: The Big Jabbawockee. He also got a surprise at night's end, a co-MVP trophy with former teammate/adversary Kobe Bryant, with whom he combined for 44 points in the West's 146-119 shellacking of the East. Each man now owns three All-Star MVP awards, and while no one can revise their jagged history together with the Lakers, it was conveniently cute to see them share the trophy, a handshake and even a hug as commissioner David Stern made the announcement and their former coach, Phil Jackson, smiled like a proud papa.

"It felt like flashbacks," Shaq said. "It's probably my last All-Star Game, and I told Kobe it felt like old times. We did that for eight years straight. Best little-man, big-man combo ever created."

"It was fun," Bryant said. "Phil diagrammed a couple of things, the two-man game like we're used to. It was special to do it the way we did it."

"The Big Legendaries," said Shaq, who jokingly tugged at the trophy as they held it together.

But remembering all the years they spent bickering, were they crossing their fingers behind their backs? Said Jackson, noting O'Neal played only 10 minutes in scoring his 17 points: "If people work together, people find a way to get through situations, find harmony in their lives, find co-habitation -- I hope this brings a life lesson to all people," he said, a hint of smart-aleck in his voice.

Would they like to be teammates again with the Lakers?

"No," Kobe said.

"No," Shaq said.

"It was fun to interact. We were just having fun," said Bryant, trying to keep the moment in perspective. "It's not like we're gonna go back to the room and watch 'Steel Magnolias' and cry and all that stuff."

Thank you for that.


Monday, O'Neal will return to practice with his third coach in 12 months. When Kerr took over the Suns two summers ago, he inherited the most audacious team in hoops, if not sports, a blurry extravaganza made for the wild, wild West and revolutionary in its point-scoring arrogance. D'Antoni wanted to blow up the scoreboard, and though the mad-scientist coach had his detractors, his system turned Nash into a superstar, Stoudemire into a beast and the Suns into a must-watch. Know how America enjoyed watching this team rock? I've rarely seen the country rally around a sports cause like the Suns in the 2007 playoffs, when Nash was body-checked into the scorer's table by Robert (Cheap Shot) Horry and Stern wound up issuing one-game suspensions to Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for leaving the Suns bench during the altercation. Had the incident and suspensions not happened, my guess is Phoenix would have beaten San Antonio in the Western Conference series and won the NBA title.

Instead, it prompted Sarver to declare war on the league and, with Kerr as his wingman, wheel and deal in foolish ways. Knowing Kerr as a smart, savvy guy, it's hard to believe he's pulling the trigger on these decisions. But he's the one who clashed with D'Antoni and wanted a defensive presence in Porter. And he's the one who thought O'Neal, also on the trading block if someone wants him, would be able to run and fit into the razzle-dazzle last season. And he's the one who traded Diaw and Raja Bell, two more D'Antoni specials, when they balked at Porter's system. And he's the one who thinks the Suns can run more -- why didn't he just keep D'Antoni? -- under new coach Alvin Gentry, an assistant during the D'Antoni years. And he's the one, with Sarver's push, who believes Stoudemire's departure can benefit the team financially, though we doubt Sarver will spend the megabucks to lure a marquee player during the 2010 free-agent gold rush. I mean, other than LeBron James or Dwyane Wade, who aren't coming to Phoenix, who could the Suns attract that would be an upgrade from Stoudemire?

"I don't know what's going on. We all are kind of not sure what's going on," said a dazed Stoudemire, who wasn't as dominant under Porter and oddly has settled for more jump shots. "Nobody knows if we're still trying to win a championship or just trying to save money. Everybody's on the trading block according to them -- myself, Shaq and whoever else, we're all on the block. I don't know if we're giving up on the season or what.

"Our personnel is stunning, and for us not to be playing to that caliber, I can't figure it out. I can't pinpoint it. I'm still trying to figure that out now. I talk to my guys all the time, 'What's going on? Why are we not the team that we thought we were going to be?'"

Because management screwed it up royally. "We don't have the momentum that we'd like to have, we are under-performing and there are financial concerns," Kerr told the media. "So there's issues to talk about and to deal with and we have to do what's best for our team going forward."

In what must be an NBA first, Stoudemire understood the unusual All-Star Game circumstances for him. "If my last home game is as an All-Star starter here, that would be a great way to go out," he said. Holding out hope he'll remain with the Suns, he also encountered visiting fans all weekend who hoped he'd join the Bulls, Knicks, Rockets or other teams. For now, forget about the Cavaliers, who haven't spoken with Kerr about a deal that might put James and his team over the top this June. Like a lot of us, Stoudemire doesn't understand Sarver.

"I'm trying to figure out what the focus is," he said. "I thought I was always the future of the franchise, and we were trying to win a championship here. It doesn't seem that way anymore. I don't know what to expect from the front office. From a currency standpoint, they're trying to cut back on money. They want players with expiring contracts and draft picks.

"I have respect for Steve Kerr. I think Sarver is more of a business-minded kind of guy. He's all about business. He's all about, I think, making money. I'm not sure if he's totally familiar with the sport of basketball."

O'Neal, who would like to win one more ring before he becomes a sheriff or TV analyst or whatever, isn't going to get it in Phoenix. "I know for a fact that if things don't go right, there's three guys that'll get blamed: (Kerr) one, me two and Terry three," he said over the weekend. "It's kind of unfair for Terry. He came in with his system, and a lot of guys here are not really used to it. I like Terry. He's a knowledgeable guy. He played the game. It's always the players' job to go out, know the system and get it done."

As for Nash, he's fighting injuries and a sense that something wonderful has been lost. "Right now, we're not a championship team," he said. Kerr has suggested he'll offer Nash an extension this summer, but why would Nash take it at 35 -- and D'Antoni waiting for a possible final whirl in New York?

It has reached the point where the media actually are asking John McCain for help. During the fourth quarter of a dull, lopsided game in which defense was invisible -- in the final minute, the West cleared out and let James romp for an orchestrated, uncontested dunk -- TNT's Craig Sager approached the presidential loser and asked if he had advice for Suns management.

"I don't know if they need help from a politician,'' McCain said.

Why not? The two guys in charge don't have a clue.